Death in the Family: Charlie (2002-2006)

Though I clack her familiar black keys, I am sorrowful to report the loss of Charlie, my trusty G4 TiBook. Ready to leave PHX, I was pulled aside for "extra screening" by the TSA. Was it the shaggy beard? The intense Semitic features that bely a dangerous intelligence? No... it was my Florida Driver's License, eight months expired. I tried to explain that I don't drive in New York and use it only as ID (though it didn't stop me from RENTING A FUCKING CAR, City of Phoenix) but I was ushered into the Orange Security Zone nonetheless.

Wanded and triple-checked, the TSA officer took my laptop and flicked the screen open like he was kicking open a bathroom stall door looking for junkies, snapping the hinge off my Powerbook, my office, my secretary, my fucking INSTRUMENT. I nearly lost my marbles but the Phoenix cop glaring at me with steel-blue hunter's eyes told me that'd land me in a cell for a night, so I did the next best thing: I flicked over into NY Jew mode, got loud and obnoxious, making a scene as I documented the damage with my camera as best I could, with the vein in my forehead beating harder than my heart. The paperwork has been filled out though I don't expect anything to come of it; the officer denied doing anything out of the ordinary and the country cop said he'd reflect the officer's statement in his own report.

While the screen still works with a flickr, the laptop is no longer portable as the exposed wires running inside her hinges are exposed and thin. A wrong move, a bump of the desk... and the screen is dark forever, like someone pinned between train cars who will die the moment those cars move to free them. Estimate from Apple for off-warranty machine? Over a grand. My dear Charlie's street value at the age of four? Under $500 in well-used condition. I would be completely shattered, nay, Out-Of-Business — what with my big-shit graphic novel not yet completed — if I hadn't just ordered a 17" new machine with the rest of my publisher advance. I'm set to receive a new machine hopefully Monday, so the slow spin of the circle of life continueth so obviously.



Your tax dollars at work, America. Keeping you safe from dangers that threaten our pristine God-fearing values. More on this case as it develops.